怎麼了 :(

怎麼了 :(

Happy lunar birthday to you.

~Happy lunar birthday to you.~

Yes, I still remember your Lunar Birthday. Happy Lunar Birthday to you sw, cd. I love you and sorry for loving you. May your wishes come true and be happy forever...

~DreaM~

~Dream~

I miss you. I miss you... YES, I miss you deeply and alot. I've dream of you this morning. In the dream you ignore me, and then i woke up in sadness crying. Although i'm sad but at least I still get to see you in the dream. Irony me....

Do you still remember the promise you made with me after the break up? Did you forget what you said and promise after the break up? Days 427... Everyday.... I dearly... miss you....  Fuck... Why the hell am I crying again?

~FIGHT ZM, FIGHT ZM, FIGHT YOUR WAY TO THE TOP AND STAY FOCUS~

~FIGHT ZM, FIGHT ZM, FIGHT YOUR WAY TO THE TOP AND STAY FOCUS~

~SHIT~

~SHIT~

SHIT.... That my current feeling... I FEEL LIKE SHIT.... I'm tired of feeling emo, sad, worry (about you) and crying. The avengers infinity war is showing now and it make me feeling worst that before, cause I've always watch the super heroes movies with you and I thought we can do this together  forever, until we grow old and die. T.T

YOU CANNOT STAY AT THIS NEGATIVE STATE ZM!! 

Days 425.
30 April 2018 1:05AM

~What the fuck is happening to me?!~

~What the fuck is happening to me?!~

I just cry non stop and i can't stop my fucking tear from flowing out, out of suddenly when I think of us, thinking of you....

Shan Wen, I love you.

Shan Wen, I LOVE YOU..

SHAN WEN. I LOVE YOU.....

痛

痛

我的心好痛

我的心好痛

我的心好痛

我的心好痛痛痛痛

我的心好痛苦..... ......

:(

11:11 T.T

11:11 T.T

All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the nightsky

Will never be enough

Never be enough

Towers of gold are still too little

These hands could hold the world but it'll

Never be enough....

Never be enough.....

Hmmmmm~

Hmmmmmm~

~me :( now! fix me~

~me :( now! fix me~

:(

Trapped :(

Trapped :(

Silly me.

Silly me

Silly me still keep on check on my phone for reply... until now...

I really don't wish to say this but i'm tired...

~I really don't wish to say this but I'm tired...!~

hmmmm. yes, I'm tired of what I'm doing... 

......

Guess it's another sleepless night for me! :( Stupid zm...

Guess it's another sleepless night for me! :( Stupid zm...

Days 104

Days 104 

I've lose myself completely. Negative totally consume me.... I don't know what am I doing? Once again, I've not been talking to anyone, I don't know why am I working or studying for? Everyday I feel more and more heavy on my mental and physical... what am I doing Everyday? oh god... why do we ended up like this? T.T

~Why?~

~Why??????????????????~

:( haiz

:( haiz

Heart...

Heart... 

Why does my heart feel so heavy, pain, sad and crying? :( just passed by your block and want to app you and tell you that your block has funeral and don't walk too near and or walk another direction if ya going home during late night.  But I didn't app you... :( (if you are seeing this remember if you too late go home don't walk to near) 

18 May 2017, 8:56pm, hot night, heavy heart....

Welcome back to sg. Something so simple and yet I didn't type out.

Welcome back to sg. Something so simple and yet I didn't type out. Haiz...

Drowned us

Drowned us

I thought I was taking the time for us to heal for better relationship and it drowned us real deep into hell.... Why can't you just stay put? Why do you always have to leave me when I started walking out of shadow when I started to see the light?


When there is light, there is shadow.... When there is shadow there must be light... It all depend on how you see or feel. To be light or shadow....


I'm not arguing with you about who wrong or right or who fault.... I just want you to know my feeling and thought...


15 MAY 2017.... 1AM... Hot night weather... but raining inside my heart... SICK inside and outside...

Please give me some time...

~Please give me some time...~

I'm confuse and hurt, I know you are too, I'm sorry & I miss you... Please give me some time... OH GOD DAMN IT!!! 

The fever and cough is real....

The fever and cough is real.... I feel so weak now.....

~Silly US!~

~Silly US!~

While you are at the BV park walking. I'm walking slowly at the SP stadium and hoping that I will see you jogging stadium or SPGG... If I told you, you are the top priority would you believe? And when I said it I mean it... Each time when you said me it somehow bring me down... How can someone I love so much have so much  say so much negative  about me?

To be honest, I didn't blame you for going through the process, I'm just expressing my pain and letting you know that I'm hurt and I want you to stand by there... That something so simple... I know you not feeling good too. As I've told you: "We have been together for so long, there are love, I love you very much and the hurt are a lot, and we need time to recovery.

To be honest I give you my heart and treat you genuinely...

What will you do if we switch position? when you treat me and give me your heart and genuinely for years and I told you, I've fall out of love with you?? What will you do or feel?


Right now I'm hurt and scary of breaking my heart.. Thus I told you give sometime for us...
But you state 5 outing, Do you think our damage and problem can be solve by 5 outing or it will takes longer??? Even up to that day, SUNDAY,  It's not me that start the fight or said don't go out or don't have to think anymore. Can you image how painful is it to hear this from someone you LOVE?




I'm really confuse...

These are my Wednesday PLAN (Which I've planned on sat, beside the movie timing): 

12pm We are the furball (I purposely don't want you to know)

3:15pm fast and furious with BK(to make our promise)

5:30pm feet talk

6:30pm Gudetama café (cause you once mention to me about the egg)

8pm Maccha House

GOD DAMN IT!!!

GOD DAMN IT!!!

God, what is it wrong?

God, what is it wrong? 

God what is it wrong for wanting to see the one you love and look into the eyes of her and hug her and tell her it's alright and it okay! You have me by your side! I'm sorry that our love hurt. And I have you by my side, I love you!  God damn it! Why!?!? What is wrong with me right now? I just have one and only very simple wish! Which is to see you and tell you how much I love and feel for you! God why are you doing this to me?

what wrong with me?

What wrong with me? Walk also walked wrong way or direction... haiz

The unspoken truth.....

I cooked again tonight and my mood isn't happy.


When I thought loving someone unconditionally, I don't need to tell her about what I did for her or so. But I got backfire cause she thought I treated her as vase and didn't love or express my love to her. And so she didn't see or feel my effort. Haiz....


The unspoken truth of the thing I did for you got me backfire and burn... :(

疯

疯

My current feeling and mood right now: 

当我非常心疼痛到我哭，我很伤心的哭到一半我笑，笑到一半我又哭就是我疯了。是的我疯了。。我的心好痛。好痛。我好累。。。

I'm tired.... really very tired....

I'm tired.... really very tired....  fuck.....

Down, down, down & down

Down, down, down & down

Nothing since to be right today! Something so simple and yet I didn't type it out.

How are you? What are you doing these days? Are you feeling better? Does your back & foots pain? Do you want to meet for meal or run? I'm sorry. How your work these days? How everything? I miss seeing you beside me. How Appunene?

Fuck.....

Only

I only cook when I'm very happy or I'm very sad or anger. Today I did cook once again but my mood isn't happy but sad. And the best of all I burned my hand. I still miss you a lot.....

我好想妳。

我好想妳。

我究竟做错了什么？为什么每天我的痛苦都在真加？今天我又梦到妳了。妳面对我小笑。我好开心，可是当我醒来的时候，我发现一切都是梦。醒来的时候，妳不我在身边。 我的心好疼痛，眼泪就这样流下来了。。。 我好想妳。。。 现在突然又想起妳了。突然之间好想好想看到妳。。。妳还好吗？妳一天有睡够小时吗？ 脚穿高跟鞋不要穿太久，我拍妳得腿会疼。妳的腰都还好吗？要是痛，记得看中医。不要更身体过不去，看中医药的钱可以在赚回来。 妳过马路的时候，记得要看交通和红路灯。妳要小心看好才过。妳的胃病有发作吗？三餐要吃准时，要吃足够。工作虽然重要，但是身体健康更重要。。。

I love watching rain, but it isn't the same anymore

I love watching rain from anywhere, somehow it feel like the sky's crying and it's more sad then me, and I can really watch the rain and stone for hours be it day or night. I love how the rain fall from the sky creating the sound, the cooling weather and the smell of the petrichor create by the rain. I love watching rain on sunny day too, cause I get to see the pretty rainbow when the sadness sky stop crying. It feel like when i'm sad, I've you to fall onto and tell me "it's alright, it's okay".  

But it isn't the same anymore, Now I only see rain as purely crying and gloomy. The cold and slow motion of every drop of rain from the sky didn't cheer me at all cause this time round I'm more sad then the sky that crying? 

I'm just a body and soul without any owner....

忽然之间

忽然之间

How much more do I still need to cry? FUCK.....

如此想念

如此想念

妳究竟拿走了什么？让我如此寂寞。我努力填满每分每秒的生活，卻淹没不了我对妳的思念。心酸了, 心碎了，心就好象被挖空了。 妳到底拿走什么？ 我不知道是什么？ 我又忍不住去想念。 我就只想多看妳多一眼。 岁月不能倒流， 只能让眼泪流。 我磨不掉我对妳的思念。 我好想妳。。。

Heart

Heart

My heart discomfort pain reacted last night, but deep down, inside feel so heart ache... 我好想你...



Tear

Tear

Tear just roll out from my eyes while I'm eating now. Why do I feel so sad like my heart exploding inside at the same times? :(

......

......

I am who I am, but who am I? :(

Oh yes, sadness just consume me completely.

L.O.S.T

L.O.S.T

~Sick, dream and cry~

~Sick, dream and cry~

Yes, As usual I'm sick after walked in the rain twice yesterday. Down I'm down with flu, cough, fever, bone aching and back reacted too. But all these can't compare to my heart ache.

I dreamed of you three times this week. First, I bought you bday gift and I passed you and kissed you on your cheek, and you left.

Second, I went to Ipoh to find you but you left, I saw you in the bus and I was chasing after the bus, I ran as hard as I could waving my hand to catch your attention but you didn't see me, and the bus goes farther.

Third, flash back of a lot of thing we said and we did.

And so I woke up.

One of my aim is to bring you to see night's sky fill with full of bright and shinning stars. and play canon in d.

Yes.. unsteady...

~I'm Sorry~

~I'm Sorry~

Do you know know why will I said: "You really want to erase me right?"

I know I've no right to say or control, but you deleted the photos of us in your IG... Those are really very precious, meaningful, moment and memories to me. It's our moment, be it happy or sad. That why I  said that.... I know I've no right to say that over what app, I'm sorry,

"A girl as small as a violet..."

　

"A girl who moves like a flower petal..."

　

"Is pulling me toward her with more force that her mass."

　

"Just then, like Newton's apple, I rolled toward her without stopping until I fell on her..."

　

"With a thump. With a thump. "

　

"My heart keeps bouncing between the sky and the ground."

　

"It is my first love."

~Dream!~

~Dream!~

(What happened this morning.....) You was beside me and I was hugging you and looking into your eyes and we smiles to each another. I told myself in my heart that she someone very important in my life, treasure her well...

Then I woke up finding myself at my bed all alone, It's was all dream... She not beside me at all and I cry again....





~Do you remember la la land ending?~

~Do you remember la la land ending?~

Isn't it sad? When by Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone didn't get together even when they love each one another?

While watching that movie with you in the cinema. I was hoping and telling myself and god, please don't let this sad movie ending become our ending. Even now I am still hoping it will not....

~Cry~

~Cry~

The tears just flow while I am staring and doing nothing... Why does my heart feel desolation and it's screaming from inside out?? I couldn't tell anyone about how I really feel but to cry when I'm alone... YET I STIL LOVE HER VERY MUCH.... Hopefully my back will not break me like how my heart do to me.

~Looking at the moon and the 11:11 wish~

~Looking at the moon and the 11:11 wish~

Since when I've become an cry baby? Saw the moon and my eyes became watery and tear just burst out of my eyes so as my heart feel the unexplainable pain inside. I've never been so weak before....

She the one that I loves the most, she's also the one who asked me to stop and kill my love for her.... But then I STILL love her...

Oh god... Why am I crying again right now?

Day 7

Day 7

~You saved me!~

~You saved me!~

Alot of thing have been robbed from me in my heart
It's feel like my whole heart was digged out, empty, and pointless.
How can the heart feel such extruding pain like it was digged out from my body?
Honestly speaking I didn't really have the thought of me having girlfriend or getting into relationship in my whole life until I met you.

Until I've met you, You make me feel special. You saved me, In fact it's is a miracles to have someone so special like you to be my girlfriend

I really didn't know anything or feel anything until I met you.

How to love someone. How to think of someone before me. How to make her happy?
How you get worry on her health, studies, work and life? When you see her sad and you can't do any shit to help her.
How I woke up in the middle of the night or morning and see her sleeping soundly beside me then I smile.

Shared yummy foods and hobby together. How I smile or happy inside my heart when I see her.
How someone can ease the pain in me be it mentally and physical when I'm together with you.
How to face the problem together. How to be proud of you as my girlfriend.
You built me up to be the person I am now. I've found out who I really love after I get together with you.

How wonderful is it to feel happiness together. How warm and joy can two people feel when being together.
How frustration is it when I love you and yet I got argue and fight with her. She someone that I want to protect her with my life. How someone support me even when the whole world are going against me.

What it means to like you. I've learned and feel all this when I'm with you.

I don't really know how to put or express my feeling and thought inside me into words correctly and it ended up I've hurt you, I'm sorry.

Damn it.....

Shan Wen, sorry for not making you feeling special and letting you feel that I've took you for granted.

To be honest, I feel it a bless and I'm very grateful to have you as my lover, girlfriend cause I'm not handsome, rich, healty, good education or tall.

P.S If you are reading this, I'm so sorry and thank you. I Love you very much.

~My feeling~

~My feeling~

When I close my eyes, I see those eyes and face of yours.
If this is a dream, please let me wake up. I can’t escape.

To: sw (If you're reading this, this is how i feel right now)
Please hold me, you the one I’ve been waiting for deep in my heart
My heart is racing and I’m still looking at you, I’m still watching and worry over you
The faint light was turned off, But my eyes are lighting up again because of you
Feels like I’ve love you from a long time ago
Feels like I’m being pulled by someone and getting closer and it is YOU.

Right now I'm feeling: My heart kept aching, Why is my heart sinking?
I keep running out of breath and I cannot stop or control my tears from flowing, my heart feel so pain but I still love and miss you so much. I LOVE YOU....

As promise I will not be contacting you for the next 2 weeks :(

As promise I will not be contacting you for the next 2 weeks :(

Song to you. :) xoxo no matter what happen you are the one!

~Song to you. :) xoxo no matter what happen you are the one.!~

逃跑计划

一万次悲伤

oh honey
我脑海里全都是你
oh无法抗拒的心情
难以呼吸

tonight
是否又要错过一个夜晚
是否还要掩饰最后的期待

oh tonight
一万次悲伤
依然会有Dream
我一直在最温暖的地方等你
似乎只能这样停留一个方向
已不能改变

每一颗眼泪是一万道光
最昏暗的地方也变得明亮
我奔涌的暖流寻找你的海洋
我注定这样

oh honey
你目光里充满忧郁
就像经历一遍飞行难以逃避

tonight
是否还要错过这个夜晚
是否还要熄灭所有的期待

oh tonight
一万次悲伤
依然会有Dream
我一直在最后的地方等你
似乎只能这样
停留一个方向
已不能改变

每一颗眼泪是一万道光
最昏暗的地方也变得明亮
我奔涌的暖流寻找你的海洋
我注定这样

一万次悲伤
依然会有Dream
我一直在最后的地方等你
似乎只能这样

停留一个方向
已不能改变
每一颗眼泪是一万道光
最昏暗的地方也变得明亮
我奔涌的暖流寻找你的海洋
我注定这样

oh honey
我脑海里全都是你
oh无法抗拒的心情
难以呼吸

This morning while I just reach work at T17 when I was alone, the tear just suddenly flow out without my control and I quickly go back T21 as I don't wish them to see me crying....


Was running so hard just now and suddenly I heard this song in my play list and I started to feel so sad.

雨淋湿了天空　毁的很讲究
你说你不懂为何在这时牵手
我晒干了沉默　悔的很冲动
就算这次做错也只是怕错过


在一起叫梦　分开了叫痛
是不是说　没有做完的梦最痛
迷路的后果　我能承受
这最后的出口在爱过了才有

能不能给我一首歌的时间
紧紧的把那拥抱变成永远
在我的怀里你不用害怕失眠
哦　如果你想忘记我也能失忆

能不能给我一首歌的时间
把故事听到最后才说再见
你送我的眼泪　让它留在雨天
哦　越过你划的线我定了勇气的终点

哦　你说我不该不该　不该在这时候说了我爱你
要怎么证明我没有说谎的力气


哦　请告诉我　暂时算不算放弃　我只有一天的回忆

妳的回话凌乱著 在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽 甜蜜散落了

情绪莫名的拉扯 我还爱妳呢
而妳断断续续唱着歌 假装没事了

时间过了 走了 爱情面临选择 妳冷了 倦了 我哭了
离开时的不快乐 妳用卡片手写着 有些爱只给到这 真的痛了
怎么了 妳累了 说好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不说了 爱淡了 梦远了
开心与不开心一一细数着 妳再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻 我都还记得

妳不等了 说好的 幸福呢
我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着 要怎么停呢

妳的回话凌乱著 在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽 甜蜜散落了

情绪莫名的拉扯 我还爱妳呢
而妳断断续续唱着歌 假装没事了

时间过了 走了 爱情面临选择 妳冷了 倦了 我哭了
离开时的不快乐 妳用卡片手写着 有些爱只给到这 真的痛了(吼~~~)

怎么了 妳累了 说好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不说了 爱淡了 梦远了
开心与不开心一一细数着 妳再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻 我都还记得

妳不等了 说好的 幸福呢
我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着 要怎么停呢

怎么了 妳累了 说好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不说了 爱淡了 梦远了我都还记得

妳不等了 说好的 幸福呢
我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着 要怎么停呢

Oh god, I really love you and miss you so much.